


Figuring Things Out

by Auroraty



Category: League of Legends, League of Legends RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Confusion, Drunk Sex, Gay, M/M, Sexual Confusion, i have no confidence in what i write lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 02:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7872880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auroraty/pseuds/Auroraty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reignover helps Martin figure some things out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Figuring Things Out

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't wrote any stories at all since 2014 so this is my first attempt at trying to get back into it. If it sucks then i'm sorry but i'm looking to improve quickly and any constructive criticism or just feedback in general is greatly appreciated. 
> 
> Also the more times i proofread the more i change things and tell myself it's shit so i need to just post it lmao so sorry if there's too many errors. 
> 
> also i spent so long trying to think of a title and i still can't so heres some cheesy bullshit till i can think of a better one (or if anyone has a suggestion<3)

Martin yawns loudly, stretching back in his chair as the blue “Victory!” screen appears in front of him. He hears the familiar ping of a message and smiles brightly when he sees who it is.  
  
EDG DEFT: _“Why are you awake?”_  
  
He glances at the time on his computer, 4:05 am. He hadn’t even realized how late it was.  
  
“ _Can’t sleep.”_  He answers simply. It was the truth, even if it was only half the story. At one point in his life he would have fallen asleep with ease, hours ago. Now, his mind was filled with constant thoughts, confusion and questions. He hears three more pings.  
  
“ _Not good martin!”_  
_  
__“You need rest for best practice”_

 _“Worlds soon, we have to meet”_  
  
The caring words bring another huge smile to his face. If only Deft knew that he was the reason Martin couldn’t sleep most nights. _He probably would never speak to me again. He’d be grossed out._ Martin’s smile fades as he types a quick _“I will try”_ to the other AD carry before quickly turning his computer off. It’s was already so late and now there was no chance of not thinking about Deft and his uncertain feelings. He crawled into bed, hoping that his exhaustion from the extremely long day would be enough to go right to sleep.    
  
These days he tried to avoid talking to the other boy as much as possible. They used to be quite close, talking nearly every day, but now Martin always had some excuse to cut the conversation short, always keeping his answers short and simple. If he didn’t talk to Deft then he would stop thinking about him, right? The flip-flopping in his stomach would go away over time. That’s what he had once tried to convince himself.

 _  
_ Feelings were so confusing. Everything about them left Martin absolutely clueless. When, why, how do they happen? It’s a lot more confusing when you don’t even know what they mean. Do they really mean what your mind automatically thinks - that the shy blonde boy who had never found much romantic interest in anyone was gay? Was he bi? Or were they not even really feelings? He didn’t know what those felt like, after all. Did the knots in his stomach every time he heard or saw Deft not mean anything about his sexuality at all? Or what if he just thought he liked Deft but didn’t really? His head was beginning to hurt from all the questions.

 

The flutters in his stomach could be nerves, the pounding of his heart going along with the anxiety. Martin didn’t know, but he _really_ wished he could figure it out. Even now, after a long and very tiring day of scrimming and practicing and finding time to work out in between (he had been doing that every day now, it kept his mind way too busy to think about cute Korean boys) his mind was still filled with thoughts that made him seem less and less tired by the minute.  
  
Deft was constantly making his way into his thoughts, no matter the situation. He would shove the images of the other boy out of his mind as quickly as they enter, but it was a hopeless cycle ending in him daydreaming about the boy in most of his free time (and sometimes when he should really be doing other things). He hardly tried to stop himself anymore.

  
Martin had been a huge fan of the other AD carry for a long time, he religiously watched his games and found himself learning and adapting quickly. After watching him for awhile he realized that their play styles were extremely similar, and after adding Deft onto his friends list (which admittedly he was quite excited when the other boy accepted his request) he realized their mind sets were just as alike. Over time their friendship developed, despite the language barrier they found themselves talking or comparing builds, new strategies etc every day. Martin never felt flutters back then. He was never to nervous to send a quick message to the other boy, even years ago when he was still just a fan. Now he was.  
  
It all started at the 2014 World Championship, during an interview that Susie had set up with the two AD carries. Being so close to the other boy, seeing his small and delicate features, his porcelain skin and shy smile left Martin feeling in awe. Keeping focused and paying attention to the interview after that was one of the hardest moments in his life. All he wanted to do was stare at the smaller boy, so he could memorize his features, take in his perfection. He was lost for words and to this day he still can’t believe he finished that interview without looking insane or stumbling over his words. The hug after the interview was what sparked intense fire in his belly and made his heart feel like it was going to bounce right out of his chest.

 

He was so surprised the first time that he had felt the now familiar flutters deep in his belly, he had never felt anything like it and the overwhelming confusion started to sink in as soon as he walked away from that interview. He wanted to know what it meant, why it happened at that moment and with that person. He immediately forced himself to forget all about the strange need to stare at the other boy and the knots in his stomach, he had to focus all of his attention on the World Championship and doing the best for his team. Distractions were not an option. He didn't let himself have another thought about it until the Korean AD carry gave him a brief hug after his team, Samsung Blue, eliminated Fnatic. He can remember his stomach immediately doing somersaults at the sight of the other boy. Martin also remembers sitting back in his chair after the handshakes and softly sobbing into his hands, disappointed and now confused as ever.

 

After Worlds Martin felt angry, defeated and confused. He was angry at himself for feeling these things. He wasn’t even really sure why he was so angry. Perhaps he didn’t want himself to like boys. He never imagined himself as gay, had never even thought about other boys in any type of romantic or sexual way. But he had never had any of those feelings for girls either. It was all too much for him. Being angry was all he could do. Angry that his team had gotten eliminated so prematurely at worlds, angry for spending so much of his time thinking about one person, wasting precious practice time. And even angry at himself for not being a normal person. He didn’t want to be different, he wanted to fit in and not have to worry about what other people thought of him.

  
In the next weeks, he basically doubled the hours spent playing solo queue every day in hopes to rid himself of the depressing and angry thoughts.  
  
Of course that meant avoiding the topic in general, which left all the questions unanswered. And here he was, 10 months later and just as confused. When the feelings and constant thoughts didn’t go away after so many months, Martin had accepted that he must be at least bisexual because he was _definitely_ attracted to Deft. That answer left him just as curious though, was he just attracted to the thought of Deft? If he actually kissed him would he feel different? And if they were to go further, would he like it? What if he realized halfway through that he wasn’t even into it? The thought of possibly hurting Deft because of his own uncertainty made him feel a little sick.  
  
Martin also wondered about other boys besides Deft. He was slightly curious to weather or not he was attracted to other boys, but he had been distracted and originally too ashamed and embarrassed to even look at anyone else. He wanted to make one hundred percent sure that he was into guys in the first place before he tried to possibly explore things further with Deft. He _really_ wished all of this could be simpler.  
  
Eventually, after god knows how long, Martin falls asleep. Although at this point, even his dreams consist of Deft.

 

\---

“I think you have a problem.”  
  
Martin whips his chair around to see Yeujin standing there, a glass with some strong smelling alcohol in one hand and a smirk on his face. He had been alone in the gaming area in the Fnatic house, everyone else had gone to bed, or so he had thought.  
  
“W..what are you talking about?” He stammers, wide eyed like a child caught doing something he shouldn’t have. Yeujin points to the screen in front of him and gives him his best stern look, although he still has that adorable smirk underlying the serious expression on his face.  
  
Wait, adorable?  
  
The jungler laughs, shaking his head “Relax, I’m just joking. Although you do spend a lot of time obsessing over Deft…you must be in love with him or something” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.  
  
“I don’t like boys!” Martin huffs defensively, angrily glaring at the jungler and crossing his arms.

  
“You take me so seriously!” He snorts after seeing Martin’s reaction. “You need some of this” He points to his glass “I know he’s your idol, i’m just messing around.” He can’t stop giggling and he looks satisfied at the reaction he got.  
  
“Oh, yeah… you just surprised me, that’s all.” Martin laughs, trying his best to hide his nervousness and his heart pounding against his chest. It doesn't work very well.  
  
If only he knew just how right he was, Martin thought with an audible sigh. Or maybe not, he still didn’t know for sure. Although, he had just thought of his jungler as adorable and he hasn’t even had anything to drink yet...  Martin stands up quickly, not wanting to get lost in his own thoughts like every other moment he’s not playing League. “So where are the drinks?”

He doesn’t seem to notice Martin’s unsteady breathing and still shaking voice as he chugs the rest of his drink, making a scrunched up face before smiling mischievously at Martin. “In my room. I’m hiding it from everyone else!” He giggles again and makes his way across the main room to his bedroom, plopping himself down on his bed, Martin following suit. “It’s too late for you to still be practicing anyways. You’re probably too tired to learn from it.” Yeujin’s tone is surprisingly caring and he places his hand on top of Martin’s, rubbing his thumb along it gently.  
  
“Now let’s drink and forget about League for once!” He smiles brightly before leaning over and grabbing a bottle from under his bed.  
  
\---  
  
Soon enough, the bottle was nearly empty. They had spent the few hours sitting in the junglers bed, talking about anything and everything, eventually resorting to asking each other random questions.  
  
“Do you have any deep secrets?” Yeujin asks him with a smirk, and for some reason Martin finds himself staring at the Korean boy. “Hello? Earth to Martin!” He waves his hand in front of the AD carry’s face, giggling and clearly drunk.  
  
“No, not really.” He shrugs his shoulders, looking away from the other boy’s gaze. He hears a snort from Yeujin. “Yeah, right. Fine, i’ll go first! Hmmm…..” He says, exaggerating the word way too much. Martin turns his gaze back to the Korean. “I like girls and boys.” He says matter-of-factly. “Boys more when I’m drunk…” He adds shyly, his face turning a deep shade of pink. Martin’s jaw drops slightly and he isn’t sure if it’s because of what the boy said or how hot he suddenly looked.  
  
“Wow…” He says so softly that Yeujin doesn’t even hear him. While he was quite shocked at what the other boy had just said, he was more interested in looking at him when he spoke. _How did I not notice how attractive he is before?_  
  
“Oh come on, don’t judge!” Yeujin whines after Martin doesn’t say anything. He grabs a pillow and throws it at Martin, making him finally take his eyes off of the other boy.  
  
“Oh! I’m not, I was just a little er.. Surprised?” It comes out like a question and Yeujin looks a little disheartened.  
  
He looks away from Martin’s gaze shyly “I wasn’t trying to weird you out.” He bites his bottom lip and god damn he looked so hot when he did that. “What’s your secret?” Yeujin asks, clearly embarrassed and trying to change the subject.

  
“Um…” The alcohol clouds Martin’s brain and he’s unsure whether he wants to tell his friend what’s been on his mind for all these months. He decides to take another shot first. “I think i’m in love with Deft.” He says quietly.  
  
“Come on Martin! Be serious!” He hits him with the pillow again, giggling loudly. “I told you a serious secret!” He pouts, and Martin has to look away so he doesn’t stare again.  
  
“I am being serious Yeujin.” Martin frowns, looking at the ground. “I just don’t know for sure.”  
  
“How do you not know if you're in love with someone?” He sounds genuinely curious.  
  
He sighs, finally looking the jungler in the eyes. “I don’t know what it feels like.” Yeujin starts to speak but Martin cuts him off “I also don’t know if I even like boys, but I can’t keep him off my mind.”  
  
“You’ll meet him again at World’s soon, you can test it then.” Yeujin gives him a reassuring smile.  
  
“That won’t work. What if I’m wrong? What if I’m not really even into guys? I don’t wanna take the chance of hurting him because I’m confused…”  
  
Yeujin is silent for so long that Martin starts to think he’s said something to offend the Korean boy. Just as he’s about to apologize for bringing the other boy into his mess of emotions, he finally speaks. “We could test it.” It’s so quiet and shy that Martin can barely hear him.  
  
“Test it?” His eyebrows furrow together as he tries to figure out what the jungler means.  
  
“Yeah... We could see if you like boys. That way when you see Deft again you know for sure.” The alcohol was definitely giving him some confidence.  
  
They’re really close at this point, their faces mere inches apart. Martin wonders how they got that way. This whole situation escalated extremely quickly, but neither of them seemed to care. Seeing Yeujin so close makes his heart pound. His features were breathtaking, his dark chocolate eyes, his fluffy hair and wide grin were all captivating. His breath hitches in his throat and he feels the same nervous, butterfly feeling in his stomach that had become normal to him now. “Really?” Is all he manages to say.  
  
Yeujin nods, leaning closer and moves his hand up to Martin’s face. “Nothing more, just a test.” He whispers before pressing his lips hungrily to the other boy’s. Their night isn’t passionate or sweet, it's drunk, sloppy and filled with haste, but one thing is for certain. Martin is _definitely_ into boys.  
  
\---

**Author's Note:**

> p.s. i tried to write smut but first time / drunk sex and i haven't written in so long it didn't feel right or fit imo so sorry if u think it needed it. 
> 
> Part 2 will 100% have smut.


End file.
